The gift of Cthulhu
by Bagge
Summary: Bree helps Riley pick out a birthday gift for Andie. Hilarity ensues.


_Bree helps Riley pick out a birthday gift for Andi. Hilarity ensues._  
_All the characters are copyright to the fantastically talented author Serra Elinsen. Pleeeze don't sue, Serra. :-)._

_Contains spoilers for Awoken, the first book of the Viridian Saga._

* * *

"Come on, Dreamhunk. After that trip to New York she expects the best from you. You gotta give her a wicked gift."

"I fail to see the need for such a deed. Have I not sufficiently demonstrated my love?"

"But it is Andi's birthday."

"The reminiscence of the planetary positions by the time of her conception is a limited mortal concept of no significance."

"Big words for a guy who was supposed to destroy the world when the stars where in the right position."

"Insolent microbe, I ought to..."

"Chill, fella! I'm just teasing. Ooooh. She will totally dig jewelry."

"Mere trifles compared to the eldritch treasures that rest in my underwater abode of dark R'lyeh.

"Well, unless they sell those in the mall, you're out of luck, buddy. Let's try at Kay's."

"Welcome sir, how can I help you tod..."

"Silent, clerk, and display without delay what ornament you would deem fitting for a queen of the gods."

"...or perhaps a cute bracelet?"

"And you be silent as well, wench. I need not your advice, nor your help, to woo my lady love."

"Whatever you say, big boy."

"Hrrrm. If I may, these are a selection of necklaces that..."

"Worthless!"

"Or perhaps these finely crafted tiaras..."

"Loathsome!"

"In that case, perhaps these 24 carat gold rings with mounted rubies..."

"Trite. Also, falsified."

"...we of course has a wide selection of bracelets..."

"Beyond contempt... wait, this one is not entirely devoid of value."

"It's so cute! It has little silver dolphins."

"Dolphins are the vile followers of Nodens, my bitter enemy who has yet to apologize for the hurtful remarks he layed upon my person in the seventeenth century. My beloved will not be befouled by the association with such a lowly creature. Remove yourself and your garbage from my sight, least I smithe you with madness and devours your very essence."

"Sorry, he does not do 'cute' very well. Come on, loverboy."

"...It is not as if I have any obligation to apologize to him. He was the one who started our dispute."

"Of course he was, sweetie. Where to now?"

"I remain unconvinced that this 'Mall' will be of any use."

"Come on, we will find something. Maybe a pet?"

"I could summon a Shoggoth from the dread abyss of the antediluvian depths of the freezing ocean."

"Sounds adorable. What's a Shoggoth?"

"A writhing mass of eyes and tentacles and gaping orifices, torn from the primordial soup by the blasphemic hands of a dead race of monsters."

"...OK, not so adorable."

"I had this Shoggoth once who liked to bring me boats."

"Like slippers? That is actually kinda adorable."

"No, like ships. And then it would devour the crew over several days, their muffled screams echoing futility among the cyclopian stones of my resting place."

"...Not adorable any longer. OK, no pet."

"This is futile."

"I'm starving. Let's split some hot chips and we will think of something."

"You have some hot chips, all I can think of is the black sky of R'lyeh."

"Don't tell me you are feeling homesick."

"This little world you humans have created, with all its customs and rules and... malls... it is stressful."

"Dude! You are older than the galaxy. You walk among the stars. You exist in more dimensions than I can spell. And you have a hard time to pick a birthday present for your girlfriend."

"Stars are easy. Andromeda is complex."

"Softie."

"Microbe"

"Really, the two of you fit so well together. An old geek like you, and a nerd like her, always with her nose in a..."

"Book!"

"That's it!"

"I can acquire the original copy of Unsprechlichen Kulten bound in pergament made from human..."

"Tone down the creepy wibe a bit, squiddie boy, and you are there."

"You stay here and keep devouring your marginally sustaining hot chips, and I will venture forth to the book store to acquire a suitable tome for my love."

"Wicked!"

Bree sat back and relaxed, reading tweets on her smartphone until she heard Riley's footsteps again. He approached her with a smug smile on his lips.

"I have succeeded and we can now leave this dread place."

"Are you really going to give her that?"

"I fail to see the problem. The artist is not untalanted and the lore is well researched."

"No, no, its chill. I just didn't know you guys were getting that serious is all. But, hey let me call Andi and congratulate her."

Bree enthusiastically started to thumb her smartphone, while Riley looked down at the book he had bought with a frown.

"I fail to see the significance of buying her Baby's first mythos." Then comprehension dawned.

"Oh, fhtagn!"


End file.
